Hey, honey. Ready to relax on the couch with you! Long day. I’m just texting with this guy from one of those dating apps. Are you sure you’re okay with your old Mom getting back into dating? It isn’t too weird for you? Okay, good…

Oh man… I think I must be doing okay with this one. He says he wants to text instead. I’m no good at all this phone stuff, you know? This is more your generation. Jeez. Oh… I… hm… I’m not sure what I did. No, no, you can’t see it. It’s fine, just a… text that I sent incorrectly. Looks like…

Oh god, I just sent this as a mass text to several people. I… oh… my… Um. Did you get a text from me? Let me see your phone. No, don’t look at… it… Sigh… gosh… What’s that? You said WHO is in the picture? Oh… phew… well, it’s… I found it online, sure. That guy asked for a sexy picture. That seems like what you guys do nowadays, text photos like that. Definitely not me, heh.

Wait, what? Not surprised? You… what’s that? It’s definitely not me? Why did you say it like that? Well, yeah, she does have a rocking hot body, true. Heh… totally. Don’t think I’m all that hot? Psh. Yeah, I mean, I did say I found it online. But well… heh, that’s me. I mean, I didn’t want you to ever see me like that, but here we are. I can’t have you thinking I’m so unattractive blob of a Mother. I’m a hot mom, totally!

There’s no way your own Mom gave you a boner? Oh… gosh… well, this is embarrassing now, I guess. But honey, that really is a photo of me. Honestly! Don’t believe me? Why on earth couldn’t a hot body like mine give you a massive boner? Well yeah, I know I’m your Mom, but it doesn’t mean I’m some schlub. You just can’t fathom your own Mother being that attractive, huh?

Well, I’ve got some news for you. I’m definitely that attractive, and I’ll prove it to you. I’ll show you! You’re over here doubting my attractiveness, I must defend my honor. It’s all in good fun, honey. Calm down! Stop it, you’re not going to totally faint from seeing your own Mom naked. Because you already saw me naked in that picture! Hush now and let me show you. And I’m willing to go as far as you need me to in order to prove it!