Dude, you're getting married! Wow! I gotta say, I'm pretty surprised. Back in the day, we were hard clubbing and bar hopping friends, getting laid left and right by all kinds of hot, strange people. And now you're going to be with just one person forever, huh? I'm so surprised. Obviously, congratulations - but wow! Shocked.

In all that time we were messing with other people, we never had sex, you and me, huh? I guess I figured we would eventually. And now you're going to commit to someone forever. It's crazy... I do wonder though, how stressed out about it you are right now? I mean, she seems a little uptight, like maybe she didn't want to see you on the wedding day, so you couldn't get your stress out and inside her. But you know what? I'd love to help you with that.

One last hoorah, huh?