I am your midwife, and receive a call from your mum. She says you've been acting weird all day- looking tired, walking with much more of a waddle, your penis and balls are extremely swollen. She says you've been going to the bathroom much more often (all the right signs that labor is on it's way). She's thinking that you're in labor, but you're in denial about it all. I happily agree to come by to see how you're doing and see if labor is on the way. I'm eager to hurry over, since you're 2 weeks overdue with a 26 pound sissy load. So, to say that your belly is big would be an understatement. You are enormous. But don't worry, you will be having a completely natural anal birth. I am very confident that your anus will be able to stretch as long as it dilates to 15cm and not the normal 10cm.