You’ve always been a loser. Picked last in gym class, teased and taunted by your classmates, rejected by the cheerleaders: a capital L Loser
You’ve tried to escape this as you got older, but you can’t. Being a loser is fundamentally who you are. There’s no cure, just jerking to it to make yourself feel a little better
At least if you sexualize it you can pretend it’s a choice.