Listen, you’re my brother, sure. And I love you, sure. However, I have to think about your chances of reaching crazy levels of… Toxic masculinity. I have to take some strict measures here to reduce it early on. There may be hope for you. Maybe.

I just went out for a run. And you need to get down on your knees. Right there at my feet. Those sweaty, stinky socks of mine. You understand this is for your own good. You should thank me for what’s happening. I would be a bad sister if I were to just let you be… a fully grown man. With a lot of issues. Toxic as hell to the world. And all women.

This will ground you. And make you realize how important women are in this society. Vital. You are complicit in sexism. Just by being a male! You need to take responsibility. Apologize for ALL men out there in this world. For all the trouble they’ve caused women. Go on, practice now by just apologizing.

And really, thank me for this. You’re so lucky. Women will always be your superiors. It’s the way of the world and you need to be part of that understanding. Otherwise, you’re useless and we will ruin you. What’s worse is - this isn’t even enough. You’ll have to be submissive to women the rest of your life. And we’ll still question your intentions because men have just wrecked that for you. But we can at least… start somewhere.

Prove your devotion to feminism to me now. Renounce your masculinity by burying your nose in these wet socks.