Oh gosh… you scared me there for a second. You can talk to me, honey. I’m just going to keep putting on my makeup. Listen… Anything you tell me… secrets are always safe with Mommy. What’s that? You’re a loser? What? Listen sweetheart, we all have hard times at your age. Things will turn around. You’ll figure out what you really want to do eventually. It’ll all work out someday, I promise.

You want me to shrink you to the size of a flea? You want to live in my toilet for the rest of your life? Are you joking? What was that? Silly stuff? Oh goodness, you’re just depressed, sweetie. You don’t really want that! Well, I can’t imagine why someone would want that. Living inside their mother’s own toilet? You should be out making friends! You could get a job and fall in love. You don’t want to live in Mom’s toilet!

That’s it, is it? Is that really what you want? Really? You’ve thought this through? I guess it wouldn’t change much for me. I’ll save some money, won’t have you hovering around scaring me… You living in my toilet means a lot of good things for me.

But… in my toilet… HA! Oh, sorry, sweetheart. I’m not making fun. Well, I can make that happen, sure. But we’ll just have you in there a few days. And just on the floor. A test trial, of course. Then you can decide if this is really what you want. Alright, close your eyes. This may feel strange...

POOF!

Are you okay? It’s a little icky… you’re so small and you look just like a little roach. You know I’m quick to squash those! Hold still… Mommy needs to pick you up. What do you think of this? What’s that? I can’t hear you. Creepy. You look like a roach, but sound like a mouse.

Well… Come with me, we’re heading to the place you want to spend your life in. Look. You see it down there? You’re so small. It feels like you aren’t really here. Seeing Mommy naked wouldn’t feel that strange. Another perk of wanting to live in Mommy’s toilet? Have you changed your mind? Oh right, I can’t hear you. It’s crazy either way. What a strange boy to want to live inside Mom’s toilet! Tsk… crazy!

Oooh you’d have to dodge toilet paper after I’m done. You might get totally smooshed by TP otherwise! Oh gosh, and not getting flushed! You’d have to climb up the sides I guess? It doesn’t matter, I have to get to work. Stay here and ponder that.

Later…

Are you okay? A whole day in the bathroom… So have you thought more about it? Okay… my son wants to be a tiny bug in his own mother’s toilet… Sweetie, I just… Fine. Two rules: 1. You’ll scrub the toilet every day so it’s clean, and 2. When you see my wiping with the TP, you have to climb up to the side! I can’t have you being crushed by it and tumbling down the drain as I flush.

Oh, and every night I need you to crawl up the toilet to the seat. I want to feed you crumbs here and there before you head back in. I’d be a terrible Mom if I didn’t feed my sweet boy. Well… I guess that’s it. Today you start your new life living inside your Mom’s toilet. I love you. Okay… hold your breath.